||[Mar. 30th, 2015|12:41 pm]
|||||Marilyn Mansion "Tainted Love"||]|
Do you know that feeling where you got into a row with some of your friends and it just eats you up even though it's not even entirely your fault (I'm of the principle that I'm never faultless entirely, so I'm willing to own up to some parts of this situation. I'm willing to apologise for blowing a gasket, for instance).
Where you feel you've been spectacularly wronged, and you try your very fucking best to try to get your point accross so people understand what you mean?
Where you know they have issues they're dealing with, but so do you and you're just sick and fucking tired of them ignoring not only that you have your own VALID problems, that they pretend your problems are irrelevant as fuck and nothing they should be taking even notice of?
But expect you to listen to theirs at the exact same time?
And that when other people did something to hurt you, you shouldn't be the one trying to rectify the situation and making amends?
Yeah, that's what I'm in right now, and it SUCKS.
I don't want to be angry at friends, I don't want to feel rubbish over it.
But I also don't feel like that when people treat me like shit, I should be the one that tries to fix the situation.
I also feel like it's grossly unfair of me to be expected to be some kind of emotionless robot that is there to help and care for/about everyone, but that is left out in the cold when I am going through some stuff.
Everyone does from time to time, it's part of life, it's all ups and downs, but it doesn't mean that the friend who is generally the rock isn't allowed downs and that those downs should be labelled as irrelevant or inferior to your own.
I'm sick to the back teeth of people expecting me to clean up every mess, and that people think they are allowed to threat me like shit because they can just say sorry (in a way that didn't even sound sincere) or give a half assed explanation and I'll just accept it and it'll all be well again.
This time I'm not accepting it, this time I've royally had enough, and I'm keeping my foot down.
I hope this doesn't cost me friendships, and I'm not being stubborn for stubbornness sake (far from), I'm simply trying to send out the signal that when I get hurt/wronged, I shouldn't be fobbed off and expected to accept apologies that feel insincere to me, and accept explanations that have holes in them the size of a meteor crater (a big one). And I most certainly don't feel like I should fix a situation like this where I'm not only hurt, feel excluded, but also have been giving the impression that my issues don't matter.
Which actually feels that I don't matter, which stings more than a little bit.
The reason I'm posting this publicly is not to get sympathy (but a real hug or a virtual one from an actual friend would be nice though, not saying no to that), but to try to point out that sometimes people you trust and see as valued friends will not just let you down, but treat you like shit (possibly not intentionally, but that doesn't change the outcome).
And that when you feel properly hurt, or wronged, by people, you shouldn't be afraid to say so.
You shouldn't made to feel like you should apologise for, and fix, actions of others that are shitty.
Stick to your guns, and make it clear that if your friendship matters, people need to treat you right, that you're not the only one that can be expected to put in the efford.
And that more importantly, if you screw up, YOU are the one to fix it. Not the person you hurt. They're the ones you need to make amends to.
Even the best of friends fight on occasion, it's a saying that is sad but true. But that doesn't mean you can't draw a line from time to time and leave it to others for once to set things right they screwed up.