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Hilde

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So... [Mar. 30th, 2015|12:41 pm]
Hilde
[feeling |sadsad]
[music |Marilyn Mansion "Tainted Love"]

Do you know that feeling where you got into a row with some of your friends and it just eats you up even though it's not even entirely your fault (I'm of the principle that I'm never faultless entirely, so I'm willing to own up to some parts of this situation. I'm willing to apologise for blowing a gasket, for instance).
Where you feel you've been spectacularly wronged, and you try your very fucking best to try to get your point accross so people understand what you mean?
Where you know they have issues they're dealing with, but so do you and you're just sick and fucking tired of them ignoring not only that you have your own VALID problems, that they pretend your problems are irrelevant as fuck and nothing they should be taking even notice of?
But expect you to listen to theirs at the exact same time?
And that when other people did something to hurt you, you shouldn't be the one trying to rectify the situation and making amends?

Yeah, that's what I'm in right now, and it SUCKS.

I don't want to be angry at friends, I don't want to feel rubbish over it.
But I also don't feel like that when people treat me like shit, I should be the one that tries to fix the situation.
I also feel like it's grossly unfair of me to be expected to be some kind of emotionless robot that is there to help and care for/about everyone, but that is left out in the cold when I am going through some stuff.
Everyone does from time to time, it's part of life, it's all ups and downs, but it doesn't mean that the friend who is generally the rock isn't allowed downs and that those downs should be labelled as irrelevant or inferior to your own.

I'm sick to the back teeth of people expecting me to clean up every mess, and that people think they are allowed to threat me like shit because they can just say sorry (in a way that didn't even sound sincere) or give a half assed explanation and I'll just accept it and it'll all be well again.
This time I'm not accepting it, this time I've royally had enough, and I'm keeping my foot down.
I hope this doesn't cost me friendships, and I'm not being stubborn for stubbornness sake (far from), I'm simply trying to send out the signal that when I get hurt/wronged, I shouldn't be fobbed off and expected to accept apologies that feel insincere to me, and accept explanations that have holes in them the size of a meteor crater (a big one). And I most certainly don't feel like I should fix a situation like this where I'm not only hurt, feel excluded, but also have been giving the impression that my issues don't matter.
Which actually feels that I don't matter, which stings more than a little bit.

The reason I'm posting this publicly is not to get sympathy (but a real hug or a virtual one from an actual friend would be nice though, not saying no to that), but to try to point out that sometimes people you trust and see as valued friends will not just let you down, but treat you like shit (possibly not intentionally, but that doesn't change the outcome).
And that when you feel properly hurt, or wronged, by people, you shouldn't be afraid to say so.
You shouldn't made to feel like you should apologise for, and fix, actions of others that are shitty.
Stick to your guns, and make it clear that if your friendship matters, people need to treat you right, that you're not the only one that can be expected to put in the efford.
And that more importantly, if you screw up, YOU are the one to fix it. Not the person you hurt. They're the ones you need to make amends to.

Even the best of friends fight on occasion, it's a saying that is sad but true. But that doesn't mean you can't draw a line from time to time and leave it to others for once to set things right they screwed up.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: valerius1979
2015-03-30 10:49 am (UTC)
I always get in trouble with people for stuff like this so it's not just you that finds themselves in this kind of situation! *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: kittensandsteam
2015-03-30 11:05 am (UTC)
I'm not glad to hear that others had the same experience because it sucks and I don't wish it on anyone!
*hugs*

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[User Picture]From: rosedechocolat
2015-03-31 07:14 pm (UTC)
*huge hug ToT*
i know what you feel, it happens to me so many times... unfortunately some people are sometimes to "egoist", or they don't want to admit they could be wrong or they are to "proud" to take the first step.. but i do think a true friend (a real one!) will always say sorry when they are wrong or just because they really love you and don't want to hurt you/ be angry with you especially if he/she knows that you're not at your best or you've problems in all kind. Sometimes we just have to open our eyes and see who the persons we used to call "friends" really are, sometimes we don't want to see the reality or we are kind of "afraid" to lose someone we consider as a true friend... but if your friend don't want to understand that no one is perfect and sometimes yes you can be ""weak"", tired, and more, and if they are not at your side when you feel bad, well you shouldn't lose your time anymore with his/her.. it's easier to say than done but trust me sometimes all we need is to avoid all the poisounous people to our life to feel way better...
i don't know if that makes sense, my english isn't that good so maybe i've missed the point , but i hope it'll help a bit...
much love and hugs, take care <3
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kittensandsteam
2015-03-31 08:08 pm (UTC)
*hugs* thank you so much for your kind words and advice!
Your English is far better than my French!
And it makes _perfect_ sense what you're saying, you're absolutely right!

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